Thursday, January 19, 2012


yesterday i had a tough day.
i started my you know what, so i felt miserable, achy & incredibly grumpy.
i didn't want to get out of bed, i felt like i had taken a bullet to the uterus and i wanted to die.
my kids watched a lot of movies and played in their play room while i wallowed around the house in my pajamas with leftover mascara under my eyes and whined about how awful it is to be a woman (in my mind because i didn't want to explain what was going on to my 4 year old, too soon...way too soon for that conversation)
the kids were bickering, i was letting it go on way to long without stepping in and being the peacemaker. i was being lazy and yelling from my room "knock it off you two!!" "work it out!!" "quit yelling at your brother London!" as I was yelling at her...go figure. i fed them lunch, put them down for an early nap because i still had to pick up mason from school, take him to basketball practice, make dinner, go to church. my house was covered in unfolded laundry, toys & more laundry.
i was so snappy all day. it was awful.
then i just kind of broke down in my bed and cried a little (50% caused from hormones, 50% my realization of how bad i was sucking that day)
i prayed for God to help me. for Him to give me energy, for me to be a patient mom no matter what is going on with my body....and to quit being such a whiner about something i have dealt with since i was 9.
the day went on, we went to church. seriously the only thing i was honestly looking forward too. i sat in the nursery with betsey and a friend and all of the little kiddos. i began to tell her how i had had a hard day with my kids and she told me has struggled with those days as well and she said it was something she realized she wasn't praying enough about. and that really hit home with me. well i had prayed earlier that day at my breaking point, but in reality patience is something that every single mother struggles with and usually on a daily basis. i should be praying regularly for guidance and help on this topic. prayer life while having 4 young children takes some organization of your time, but if you watch reality tv, facebook, text and post on instagram every can have time for prayer and getting your devotion in. God tells us in bible that he will give us the desires of our heart, and in my heart i really do desire to be a patient soft spoken mother. sometimes we focus on the complaining in person of how things are, blaming our children for our aggrevation because they were bickering all day, or wouldn't listen to you. even though those things are going on in my house, i still have control of how i react to them. i rarely sit down and have that conversation with Him, letting him know how we are struggling and thanking him for my circumstances that allow me to see how i need to grow and change as a mother. asking for help with my lack of patience and self control with raising my voice and being lazy with my discipline, even if i am not feeling my best.  some people say, dont pray for patience so God will send you a hard situation to learn it through. i think that's lame.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7)

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