Sunday, April 1, 2012

the 5th means just as much as the 1st

I overheard a conversation of 2 moms at Mason's school on Friday that just really upset me. I just can't get it out of my head. They were really making fun of their sisters and brothers for having big families. They were saying such rude things. I just stood there wondering if people say the same thing about me for being pregnant with my 5th. And then I thought why is the world so against parents having children? Why is that people consider the first and second children such blessings but anything beyond that is just crazy and unwanted and merits rude comments like "don't you know how this happens" "better you than me". 

I was really sick last night. I couldn't keep my dinner down, and I woke up in the middle of the night completely sick again. This pregnancy has been a little hard in the morning sickness department. I feel really tired, a little grumpy and very nauseous. My house is falling apart, I'm going days without doing laundry which is catastrophic for a family of 6. I'm washing clothes then not putting them away and then I can't tell which clothes are clean or dirty and I refuse to do a "sniff" test. This morning around 3 I was sick again and I laid in bed and started crying. I starting telling God that I have no idea what He was thinking letting me get pregnant again. I told Him that there is no way that I can do this, that I can manage my house, that I can give my kids the attention they need and I will have nothing left for my husband. I cried really hard. I felt totally defeated. The comments of the ladies from Friday repeated in my mind. I began to feel that maybe those words were true. I ended up just crying myself to sleep. I woke up feeling the same feelings I had felt earlier. Then while getting ready, I began thinking of how God has a plan for my life. So I opened up my handy YouVerse bible app and searched "God's plan" and this verse popped up:
 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  (Jeremiah 29:11).

Exactly what I needed to hear and it gave me so much peace. 
And then right now I was reading a blog and the mother who has a large family wrote this and it totally encouraged me:

"God never gives us more than we can bear. And He knows I couldn't handle a large family. Truth is, none of us can really handle anything. Truth is, we are all flawed and it truly is only by His mercy that we move and breathe and have our being. Thus, it follows that if God chooses that you have one, three, seven, ten or *no* children, it will be truly by His grace and mercy and ultimately for YOUR good and HIS glory."

I'm a blessed lady. My children make me so happy and I know that being a mother and wife is a wonderful thing that maybe isn't valued enough by people, but it is valued highly by my God and that is good enough for me. Also.... laundry isn't the biggest deal in life right now and I don't know why I keep complaining of being tired, I've been tired since 2005 and I should be used to that. And I know that when this baby is here, all of these silly non important complaints will be exactly that....not important. My 5th child is just as important to me as my first, not a curse, not an inconvenience, not unwanted, but loved. 

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