Sunday, February 7, 2010

nichole who?

Who am I? This is a question I have been pondering for 4 years. In my teen years, I remember always being a bit "different" than my friends, not always a good thing either. I was definitely more defiant, always questioned authority and religion. When I met my husband, I was going through a bit of a life crisis with my son's father. Ending that chapter in my life, opened a new door, a new life and I didn't know how to live it as Nichole. I still feel, after these 4 years, that I really don't know who I am. I'm not the "Preppy Nichole", the "Stoner Nichole" or "Depressed Nichole" I used to be. I feel like I am on a spiritual journey at the moment, finding what out what I truly believe and embracing it. I feel like I am trying to find out what kind of mother I want to be and being it. I am on a life journey with my husband, and I feel like I am trying to figure out how to be the wife he and I want myself to be. So much pressure. So much has changed in these last four years, my clothes, my music, my attitude, my f-in weight, pregnancies, losing friends, losing pets, moving, getting jobs, losing jobs, making friends, falling in love with my children and husband more and more every day. I know I can not possibly be the only person going through an identity crisis in their 20's right?

I have set out a list of goals for myself and family for this year, mostly including ways to spend more time with my kids, reading, losing weight, learning to sew, growing a garden, recycling more, cutting out all animal products, I hope I can figure these out and incorporate them into my life. And I hope that I can soon feel completely comfortable in my skin, and secure in who I am.

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